she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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