im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize