I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
