so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
