walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
