a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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