its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Randomize
