i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
birth control should be required to get into college
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
