Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
