We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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