found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
