I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
the condom got lost in my hair
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize