High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
