it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
