yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
i out mim tonsoeep
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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