OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
