I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
