Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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