Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
