1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
well you can't waste a boner
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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