I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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