last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
My balls are so social today.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
