he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
