what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize