What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
