insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize