We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just invented taco cereal.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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