Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
