Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
