My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
you made out with another girl for some wings
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
