Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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