He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
