I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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