We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I can text with my tongue
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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