Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
