he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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