Christians are straight up FREAKS
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
