i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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