i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
