Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(903): View more from Texas

I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.

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(440): View more from Ohio

i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime

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(762): View more from Georgia

Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...

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(817): View more from Texas

You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant

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(850): View more from Florida

She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever

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(703): View more from Virginia

It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...

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(718): View more from New York

I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"

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(512): View more from Texas

Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.

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(256): View more from Alabama

I don’t understand his energy

(1-256): View more from Alabama

What? Nice? Lmao

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