I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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