As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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