Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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