I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
