Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
