he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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