It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Of course I have a pirate flag
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
