I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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