i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Everything about him screamed your future.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
