ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
