My boss' voice literally gives me gas
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
