week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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