dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
