haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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