I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
