What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
