even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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