There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
