Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
