yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
