so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
