Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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