escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
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