i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
