You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
