I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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