I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
