do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
